The fateful letter

I've just sent a letter to him...a long letter n i would say a pretty harsh letter...i dont know what the outcome will be n how he'll take it but i dont know if i can handle it either way....im just so so confused right now....i typed the letter yet i dunno if i shud send it..in the end i sent it...n i regretted it n i deletedit yet i changed my mind again...but i cudnt resend it again n i thought i saved it in my drafts bt it was empty...so i asked him to read it after his exams n after his night out with his frens...iwudnt wanna spoil his mood for his night out...n i asked him to resend it back to me....i wanted a copy of my thought...:S ...im anxious to know the outcome yet im so afraid of it...sigh...rship is so hard to live with yet i cant live without it....y does it have to be so tough...
but i guess my final decision to send the letter was becos i knew he wanted to be free n be himself n with me around..he'll nvr be happy n he cant make me happy cos im the cause of his unhappiness....i guess tat doesnt leave much of an option does it?? i mean? i really dont know hw to be together yet we're apart...it would be too hard to handle...n with nothing left in our love bank...i doubt we'llbe able to survive it....n it'll only cause more heartbreaks...i really do love him...but are we really meant for each other? the only time he spoke of his future family is that he would wan to attend weekly church gath with the whole family n after tat...he nvr spoke of it anymore...mebbe its becos hes afraid im nt gona agree with that n it'll upset me..its true...
i wudnt wanna stand in the way..he'll be much happier mebbe as a xtian with religion to guide him n wud be much happier with someone who shares the same faith n thought as him... he's brought up tat way n he's hapytat way...its unfair to tear him away from all that he ever knew...

sigh........im super confused rightnow...its like i have no control over the rship n it has just rolled outta control....we've been avoiding it cos we're afraid of hw much it is gona hurt when we parted yet in the process...we've been getting hurt again n again...hw ironic huh...

i leave it up to him yet i dont know what decision he's gona make......watever it is...it's surely gona hurt as hell...i just wan himto make the right decision....